When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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