Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
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