hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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