Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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