just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
