Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
