Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Small penises have feelings too.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
