I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
