He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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