it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
