oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
