This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
