The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
