dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
