he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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