Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
