Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
