I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
