my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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