There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Let's paint friendship bongs
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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