just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Randomize
