I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
We had sex on a dog bed..
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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