one word: firstdatebathroomanal
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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