this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
