I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
