Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
