I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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