Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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