I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
