I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
