I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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