and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
