Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
third nipple confirmed
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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