omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
