the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
i believe in u and ur pee
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
