Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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