You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
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