i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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