I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
