Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
