Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
