all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
