You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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