so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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