I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
