nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
