oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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