i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
thus making me awesome and them whores
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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