It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
