I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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