They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
