Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
