The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
